Saturday, 27 September 2014

Mushroom corguettes

I cooked a fry up for breakfast this morning, after being gently prompted by the request "Make me breakfast, bitch!"

I fried back bacon rashers (which, I have been told, are pork. Not made-from-pigs-pork, as I knew that, but an-actual-port-joint-pork that is pork when cut in one way and bacon when cut in a different way), bacon medallions (which, I have also been told, are simply back bacon rashers with all the fat removed, in which case we're paying extra for something that has the taste crippled) and eggs. Looking in the fridge, I saw some courgettes, and I like crunchy courgettes so I thought I would fry some of those, too.

All went ok, although the eggs were rather small. An egg box of "free range eggs - mixed size" seems to be equivalent to an egg box of "small eggs".

About 2 hours later, Doris innocently asked me "Did you cook courgettes?"
I responded "Yes, what did you think they were?"
She explained "When I tasted them, I thought they were courgettes. Until then, I was confused, because we don't have any mushrooms, but they were served as a blackened mess that could well have been mushrooms".

I explained that I had been trying to make the courgettes crunchy, but they hadn't worked. She told me that courgettes don't go crunchy.

This confused me, as I'm SURE I like crunchy courgettes. Doris asked whether I have had them battered in the past, as she could see courgettes being crunchy if they were in batter.

That's it! I think it's tempura courgettes that I like!

Doris suggested that I could dip courgettes in almond flower in the future. I said that I had never seen an almond flower, which prompted her to respond "f-l-o-u-r".

Then she informed me "Actually, there are almond flowers. Have you never seen an almond tree?"
"Almonds come on trees?" I responded, confused.
"They are related to peaches and apricots" she explained (I wasn't aware of apricot trees, but I let that pass).
"So", I asked, "when you eat a peach and you have a big stone, can you crack that open and eat the nut inside?"
"Well, you could", she informed me, "but it tastes bitter because of all the cyanide. Not enough to kill you, but enough to make your tummy very poorly".

Everything is a learning experience, but I didn't expect to learn about cyanide in peach stones by cooking a fry up!