We have a bread maker. It has various settings, and I've come a-cropper with them before, but I managed to successfully navigate its user interface yesterday and came out with a lovely loaf of soft-crust white bread in 2 hours!
It looked ideal for sandwiches, so after it cooled, I cut some slices.
Ok, the first slice was mobius-cut, so I cut another 4 slices to make sure it was just an anomaly. This meant that I had enough sliced bread for two rounds of sandwiches. I buttered the bread, thinking about fillings.
I looked in the fridge for processed meat. None.
I looked in the fridge for cheese. None.
Bugger.
Ok, I can make PB&J sandwiches. We have crunchy peanut butter in the cupboard, so I spread that over the slices. Now for the jam.
The jam in the fridge has a layer of mould on it. This isn't going well.
I root in the fridge for jam substitutes. Horseradish sauce, sun-dried tomatoes, mustard. None of those would be suitable substitutes.
I look in the cupboard for jam substitutes. Marmite, apple chutney, mint jelly. None of those would be suitable substitutes. I'm worried that I might end-up eating Peanut Butter sandwiches, and that thought fills me with dread, but I eventually find white chocolate spread and a tub of squeezable honey at the back of the cupboard. Those look promising.
I spread the white chocolate, and make one sandwich.
I try to squeeze the honey out of the squeeze tub. Nothing happens. I need to unscrew the lid and delve-in with my knife to get the honey out, and it's all crystallised.
Why is it that amphorae of honey can be retrieved from wrecks of Roman ships on the seabed after 2 millennia and are perfect, but leave a tub of honey in my cupboard for a few weeks and it's virtually unusable?
I scrape the crystals of honey over a slice of bread, and I eat the sandwiches.
They were rank!
I think the part that disturbed me the most was "I'm worried that I might end-up eating Peanut Butter sandwiches, and that thought fills me with dread"
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with peanut butter sandwiches?
Although peanut butter toast is much nommier.
Peanut butter sticks to my palate. If I eat peanut butter, I spend the next hour trying to unstick foodstuff from the top of my mouth, using my tongue.
ReplyDeletePeanut butter doesn't just stick itself to the roof of my mouth. It sticks whatever it's with to it too, so I would be having to unstick bread. It gets very tiring to spend a whole hour exercising your tongue to unstick things, and tender as well. My mouth has been rubbed raw in the past from trying to recover from mistakenly eating peanut butter, and that is where the feeling of dread comes from.
I would have gone for the apple chutney, myself.
ReplyDelete